YES! Deadpool is a hit.

Deadpool

Deadpool

I’m hugely happy about this, not just because I enjoyed the movie (although I did), but because I am so utterly sick of the spate of PG-13 action movies in recent years. For Cthulhu’s sake, even Die Hard has gone PG-13!

Heck, even Star Wars, which has always been PG, has gone PG-13. I’m okay with that, but I’m really not okay with every single action movie being bloodless fluff. I want to see limbs severed, chests exploded, people cursing and, well, er, other adult stuff. Cough. Like taxes, maybe.

Anyway. I really, really hope that the success of Deadpool helps cement the recent trend toward more mature big-budget fare at the cinema.

The next Alien, Terminator, Die-Hard and so on could now actually, even realsitcally, return to its/their R-rated roots, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Bring it on, Hollywood.

Read more HERE.

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Phantasm Five finally coming!

Phantasm Five finally coming!

I’m ridiculously excited about the fifth Phantasm movie — “Ravager” can’t get here fast enough. I love the series dearly. One of the coolest things about the movies is how each one ends on a wild cliffhanger, which is cool if there’s another movie immediately following it, but to wait all these years to find out what happens next is beyond frustrating. Well, the “next” is finally coming, and I’m just as pumped about it as I am for more Mad Max.

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What if the Arkenstone was something different than we were told?

I love the novel version of “The Hobbit” as the charming, fast-paced adventure for children that it is, and I like large portions of the movie trilogy, but I really feel that the last movie dropped the ball, failing to tie the many plot threads together in a satisfying way. I’m actually planning on creating a fan edit of the movies to trim the fat and make them better (once I figure out how).

One of the oddest choices Peter Jackson and Co. made in Film Three was to claim that the treasure hoard was now cursed by Smaug having lain on it all these years. Yes yes, I know that’s perfectly Tolkienian, and I’m fine with that . . . were it not for the fact that in Film One we were told that it was the greed of Thorin’s grandfather Thror, the King under the Mountain, that tainted the hoard and drew Smaug. So the hoard is now twice-cursed. Which is just silly and nonsensical and poor storytelling.

But what if the two “taints” were related? Well, I’ve got a new (fan) theory (that is totally not canon) that attempts to resolve this problem. You see, what if the Arkenstone was in fact the heart of a fell dragon that had died deep in the mountain many years ago? That is what the dwarves found, and it was the evil of that ancient worm that poisoned Thror’s mind and thus the hoard, and ultimately drew Smaug in?

Then Smaug’s evil just deepened and strengthened that corruption, in particular the corruption of the Arkenstone, the heart of the ancient fell dragon, making it all the more difficult for Thorin to overcome? To me this resolves the “twice-cursed hoard” problem, making the Hobbit movies richer and more interesting and the storytelling that much better.

What do you think?

 

 

 

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The Hobbit: Part Three: Battle of the Five Armies

SPOILERS BELOW!

Okay, so my initial reaction to the final Peter Jackson Middle-Earth movie wasn’t as positive as I was expecting. I actually quite liked a lot of the second Hobbit movie — Smaug, for example, was excellent — and I was fully expecting PJ to nail the landing with Part Three. I thought he’d be able to pull all the threads together and deliver a satisfying finish, just as he did with Return of the King ten years ago. Sure, he doesn’t have the wealth of material to draw on that he did back then — The Hobbit is no Lord of the Rings, of course (and it’s not supposed to be). But surely he would have some plan for Part Three, right? Some way to pull it all together?

Sadly, no. “Battle of the Five Armies” is the least of the three Hobbit movies. It feels bloated and poorly constructed. Massive monsters (the rock-boring worms) are introduced in one scene, then never heard from again. Whole fleets of giant bats are introduced, take Legolas for one short CGI flight, then vanish utterly. The Battle itself becomes a mess of lousy CGI and weak characterization. We learn that Smaug’s hoard is cursed with dragon-sickness, which is strange, as it was the curse on the hoard (and on the mind of the hoarder) that supposedly drew Smaug in the first place. So that means the hoard gets cursed twice, which just seems like poor storytelling.

In short, I was utterly disappointed with “Battle of the Five Armies”. I’m a massive “Lord of the Rings” fan and have watched those movies more times than I can count. In addition, I’m also a Tolkien nerd and have read every single word he’s ever written multiple times, including “The Silmarillion” and “The Lost Tales” (both of which I utterly love).

I think Peter Jackson has done an amazing job with Middle-Earth, and I was fully expecting that to continue with the Hobbit movies. And he had an entire decade (!!!) to work on the script. My mind reels at how he and his partners could have botched it so terribly. Part of the fault, of course, lies in the source material. J. R. R. Tolkien’s “The Hobbit” is a charming, briskly-paced children’s fantasy, not an epic saga a la “Lord of the Rings”, and if translated to the screen it should have been one movie, two at the absolute most. When stretched out into three long movies, it becomes bloated and hollow, even with the extra material involving the Necromancer filling it out. Then add all the crappy CGI, odd story decisions (a dwarf-elf romance “could” work, maybe, but not like this) and general excess (Legolas surfing on spiders, leaping from dwarf head to dwarf head) and you get a hot mess. If the orcs had been achieved practically, I could enjoy these movies a lot more, but the dodgy CGI through which they were achieved saps my enjoyment a great deal.

Okay, back to “Battle of the Five Armies”, specifically. Bilbo has one big heroic contribution to the novel’s central conflict, slaying the dragon. He’s the one that spots the missing scale and relays the information to Bard, who utilizes it to kill Smaug. In the movie this never happens. Although the moment is set up in Part Two, when indeed Bilbo sees the missing scale, he’s never able to do anything with the information in Part Three. Bard independently sees the missing scale and kills Smaug (in a very anti-climactic fight, by the way). So what was the point of Bilbo seeing the missing scale in the first place? It surely wasn’t to set up the idea that indeed the scale was missing, as that’s achieved during the flashback in Part Two. So that whole story thread went nowhere and robbed Bilbo of his greatest glory.

Which brings me to the Arkenstone. If Bilbo helping to slay Smaug is to be denied him, then surely he can be an effective hero elsewhere, right? Maybe he can steal the Arkenstone and stop the battle between the good guys.

Nope. He steals the stone, alright, but the battle goes on as planned, or begins to, anyway, before the arrival of the CGI orcs, after which Bilbo does very little. He’s giving a brief mission to do at one point and accomplishes it, but for little story gain. He essentially does nothing to warrant his status as main character throughout the entire final movie, which is a shame as he was fairly effective in Part Two, rescuing the dwarves repeatedly and infiltrating Smaug’s lair, etc. But any hobbity heroism is thrown out the window in Part Three for lame CGI battles.

And they are lame. I could forgive this movie a lot if the battles — er, Battle — kicked ass. But it doesn’t. It goes on and on, and on some more, but it’s never a tenth as involving as the Battle of Pelennor Fields. Hell, it’s played for laughs! Afrid, the weasel-faced sidekick to the Master, has one comic misadventure after another while at the same time tension is supposed to be mounting up. I kind of enjoy Alfrid, broad as he is, but his antics undermine what should be the most gripping part of the whole narrative.

Sigh. I’m running out of steam here. I think I’m going to leave off of the rant for the moment, leaving the possibility open to return to it at some future time. I can’t even summon the passion for “The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies” to properly lambast it.

I will, however, pick up the Extended Edition the first day it comes out, and I’ll eagerly watch it, hoping beyond hope that somehow, some way, Peter Jackson is able to fix his last foray into Middle-Earth in that version, if not in this.

If nothing else, hopefully someone will make a great fan edit out of these movies.

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